Intimacy - In-to-me-See

I read a quote the other day about intimacy that struck my imagination. Intimacy means, “In-to-me-see.”  

What a great insight. In-to-me-see. Intimacy is allowing someone to see the depths of who we are. To be intimate with someone we allow them to see the most personal part of ourselves, our joys and hopes, our pain and sorrow, our good and, ugly part of our lives. We allow them to see our true humanity at it’s best and it’s worse. Who are you intimate with? Who do you allow to in-to-me-see? Is it your spouse, your partner, your best friend? What is it about this person that you allow yourself to be intimate? 

I believe there are a few qualities that are required in someone if we’re going to allow them to in-to-me-see. 

It begins with trust. If we’re going to allow someone to see the depths, the most personal part of our lives we have to trust them to guard our feelings and emotion. We have to trust that they will hold our depths confidential. We have to trust that they will not manipulate, distort, or abuse our feelings. We have to trust that they will hold our emotions as if they were holding a gentle bird in their cupped hands. 

This trust is earned. Look at yourself for a minute. If a person is going to trust you they have to see you are willing to invest a lot of time in them. They have to see through other daily events and conversations that you are indeed trustworthy. What you say, how you handle your emotions, how you talk with others and hold their confidences, will all be held in the balance. They are going to measure you to see if you’re a person of integrity. The person will be watching how you handle yourself in other places of their lives before they trust you with their emotions. 

If we want someone to be intimate with us we have to reflect on who we are and ask ourselves, “Our we trustworthy?” And don’t jump to conclusions. I would encourage you to look deep into the mirror of your soul and evaluate yourself. How do you handle yourself with others? Do you hold confidences? Are you on an emotional even keel. Would you trust yourself if you were someone needing intimacy? It takes work to be someone who is trustworthy. 

If we find someone that we can allow to in-to-me-see, it is one of the greatest gifts. It allows us to see we are not alone. It’s as if we can can grab a hold of their hand or their arm and walk through life with them allowing them emotionally and spiritually carry us. 

I have a few people that I’m intimate with. My wife and my best friends. Talk about trust. Each of these people I have known for decades. I have seen that they are people who handle themselves well with their public affairs. It has been a slow process. I just don’t open the doors to my soul to anyone. Over the years and decades we have talked about a lot of trivial things, surface things. I have tested the waters with them. Slowly I came to a place with them that I bared my soul. At times it’s been a painful journey as they have seen my ugly side. In each instance they have been gracious, kind, and accepting. They have taken me under their wings unconditionally. They are my greatest gifts. I know that I can send them a text, call them, email them, laugh with them and cry with them, and they will be able to connect with me on the deepest levels. I allow them to in-to-me-see. 

Who are you intimate with? Who has allowed you into the depths of their soul? Is it your spouse, partner, your friends. I know several people who have been married for years but yet, they are not truly in-to-me-see.

Who do you allow to see into your soul? Are you so guarded that you allow no-one to come into your depths. I know for a lot of people this is the case. They have shut the doors on their emotions to the point where they are chained and padlocked. If this is you, I encourage you to find someone that you can gently trust. For many people they find this through a therapeutic relationship with a counselor or psychologist.  

In-to-me-see. It is a gift we offer to someone and we in turn receive.